May 2, 2007

Gerbil mourned at the Bealeton Library


"Spice"
R.I.P.


Spice (Gerbil) passed away in Bealeton, Virginia on Tuesday afternoon, May 1, 2007 after a brief illness. Bealeton Library Manager Muriel McCabe rushed him to the Compassion Animal Hospital when he began exhibiting symptoms of distress, but sadly he died before treatment could begin. The cause of death remains undetermined, although some believe his ailment was exacerbated by the stress of being labeled a female, with consequent gender identity crises. Identity stress issues also arose over repeatedly being labeled a mouse, a rat, and a hamster. No autopsy will be performed.

Spice was born in 2005 to anonymous parents. He is best remembered as half of the gerbil duo, "Sugar and Spice," a popular southern-Fauquier entertainment act headquartered at the Bealeton Library. His merry antics entranced children of all ages, and it is estimated that he shredded at least 30 tons of cardboard during his brief life. Spice always endeavored to live up to the achievements of his heroes and mentors, the late "Kanga" and "Roo".

Spice is survived by one known sibling, Sugar, of indeterminate gender. S/he states that the act will go on; "it’s what he would have wanted."

No funeral is planned; the body was cremated. Sugar asks that donations be made to the Gerbil National Association for the Wee (GNAW).